20 Comments To Tweets That Are Way Funnier Than They Should Be

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  • 01
    Product - Would you call this a date? GP IKEA Home furnishings Dude, this isn't a date. This is a wedding.
    via Brightside
  • 02
    Text - I love to look inside windows and see how people live. Yesterday, Isaw an apartment with big windows and there was a huge portrait of Leon Trotsky on the wall. I can't stop thinking about it. This place you're talking about is called KFC, they have delicious chicken wings there.
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  • 03
    Vehicle door - Sia just gave Maddie Ziegler a brand new Audi for her 16th birthday! Must be nice. 16 aD On my 16th birthday, I got a cake.
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  • 04
    Text - What's the fastest cure to a hangover? Discovering that you lost your phone
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  • 05
    Clothing - What could stop me from going out? Your anklet
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  • 06
    Text - Yesterday, I met my classmate. Can you imagine he didn't ask me how I was doing, what my job was, what car I drive, and he didn't even ask me about my personal life? Such a pleasant man! He just couldn't remember where he knew you from.
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  • 07
    Dog - Dogs lie awake at night thinking about their problems just like humans. So now I have to lie awake at night thinking about how dogs lie awake at night thinking about their problems...
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  • 08
    Text - If you're single, you're either: 1. Stuck on an ex 2. Chasing someone who's taken 3. Ignoring someone who wants you No, bro, you and me are just ugly as hell.
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  • 09
    Text - Samsung released a new fridge that can speak and answer questions. SAMSUNG Me: Who took my yogurt? Fridge: I'm not a snitch. Me: *reaching for the socket and threatening to pull out the plug. Fridge: OK, stop, it was your younger brother.
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  • 10
    Text - What are you thinking about now? I wonder if I've ever bought milk from the same cow twice.
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  • 11
    Text - Imagine paying $9k a year to study history. Just live in the present. Imagine paying $9k a year to study math. Just use a calculator.
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  • 12
    Text - This teacher helped to save the life of her student and donated her kidney to the girl. DANK My teacher marked me as absent even though I was in the classroom. 9440W 000
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  • 13
    Text - When do you think childhood ends? After the first crush? Or the first kiss? Or the first serious independent act? When you understand that sleep is a gift, not a punishment
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  • 14
    Text - My best friend lives a plane ride away and I hate planes. I'd still fly a trillion hours to see her though My friends live down the street and I haven't seen them in months
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  • 15
    Text - The problem with introverts is that they'd prefer to have an imaginary chat with a person instead of speaking with them in reality. So, there's no need to talk in reality anymore because they've already had a chat. The worst thing is when the introvert still decides to have a chat in reality but the person talks out of line with the script.
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  • 16
    Text - Ladies, when was the last time a man opened the door to a car for you? When I was arrested.
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  • 17
    Text - We could have made a huge leap in technology and reached other galaxies but our brain is made in the size of our brain case. Alas! Neanderthals had bigger brain cases, and where are they now? They flew away.
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  • 18
    Hair - Be careful who you call ugly in middle school... No one called you ugly when we went to the same school. Just post your pic and go.
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  • 19
    Mode of transport - Cats in unusual places I don't care about you, I scratch my claws where I want to. A bicycle scratcher
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  • 20
    Vehicle - I'm scared of heights. But I didn't feel scared on the glass terrace on the 124th floor of the Burj Khalifa. Everything looked like a toy down below. Everything looks like Google Maps from extreme heights. You aren't afraid of Google Maps, are you? Mmm... I'm not sure now
    via Brightside

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